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Oback Arama - Vote Early and Often

Posted by Stefano on Wednesday, October 22, 2008 1:15:06 AM
I'm Oback Arama and I'm running for President.  When you go to the polls. remember to vote early and vote often, expecially in Ohio and Florida.  As you pull the lever for me, remember that I am the candidate of hope and change, and change that works for you, and change that you can use, and real change not like the last eight years,  Also remember that I will send you a check from the U.S. government of Oback Arama even if you don't work.  And if you need an abortion, I will pay for it personally with other peoples' money so that you don't have to be punished with a baby.
 
I will do all of these things and I will, in addition, be holding a drawing of all ballots cast for me for several prizes.  First prize will be a ride on the Oback Air Force One flying fortress, second prize will be a ride in my bullet proof Oback mobile presidential limosine, and third prize will be an autographed picture of future pardonee Tony Rezko, without whose "quiet" help, I might be heading for the Big House, instead of the White House.  Remember that your right to vote is a precious gift from past patriots of this country, and your right to vote a second time, third time, fourth time and fifth or more time is a precious gift from ACORN due to the generous donation of 800,000 greenbacks that I, Oback Arama provided to that wonderful non-partisan, non-profit group.
 
So feel the love, and vote for the Oback Arama Nation of United States.  It will be a glorious journey of four years of social progress and I want you on board the hope and change express.  Can we do it?
 
Yes we can!  Yes we can!  Yes we can!
 
I'm Oback Arama ahd I approved this message.
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Oback and Infanticide

Posted by Stefano on Tuesday, September 16, 2008 1:36:30 PM


 
 
I'm Oback Arama, and this is the last time I will address the issue of abortion and quote, infanticide, unquote, until I address it the next time.   Many are criticizing my 4 votes against providing health care to products of conception accidently born alive during an abortion.  Why people have a love affair with products of conception is beyond my ability to conceive.  Ha!  Ha!  You know, I went back and checked my record on these votes, because I was sure that I must have voted present at least once on this issue, but not so.
 
Now, we all have heard the old philosophical question, "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"  Well, I ask you a similar philosophical question, "If a breathing product of conception with a heart beat dies in a dirty linen closet, and it doesn't get health care, does that make it a person with rights?"  Due to the fact that this question may be above my pay grade, I must be very careful about my answer.  Firstly, I don't pretend to know for sure if these things are living persons with rights, so the safest way to deal with them is to be as careful as possible to protect the right to choose and just assume that they are not human beings.  Therefore, if it's not human, it's not infanticide.  Secondly, I don't want people to twist my words and spread lies saying that I don't support universal, free, Cuban style health care.  But if you put this thing in the closet and of its own accord it ceases to have a heart beat and, stops breathing, and no one is there to see it, really, who cares?  We must at all costs protect the sacred holy right enshrined in the constitution through the Roe vs. Wade decision.  I'm not one to blow my own horn, but it took a great deal of courage for me to lead my party on this issue by denying health care to the born unborn.  Now, as I feared, politically motivated, petty people are attempting to use this against my humanitarian health care initiatives.  But, I stood up when faced with that dangerous political decision and hit the no button on four different occasions and protected the sacred right of every woman and brave abortionist to snuff out, by neglect, accidently born alive, breathing human blobs of tissue with heart beats.
 
I hope that I have cleared up any doubts about what I believe and what I have courageously done to show my compassionate, sensitive actions on behalf of human rights and I hope my opponents will now stop these empty personal attacks that never fed a hungry child.  We need to get back now to the central issues of this campaign, like change and hope, and change you can use, and change that works for you, and real change, not change of the last eight years.  I hope that my life issues positions will encourage you to support the coming glorious United States of Oback Arama Nation, by voting for me for President, and not for that old Navy flyer guy.
 
I'm Oback Arama and I approved this message.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Oback and Executive Experience

Posted by Stefano on Friday, September 05, 2008 9:35:44 AM
I am fed up with you right wing nuts who keep saying that I have no executive experience. Here is some of my executive experience:

I am the only candidate who has wartime presidential experience. I was President of the Harvard Law Review during the 1991-1992 Gulf War and my opposition to that war brought a quick end to that war when George Bush followed my usual strategy and withdrew the troops. I will use that executive experience to oppose and withdraw things when I become your President.

As an executive community organizer in Chicago, I opposed mid range missiles in Europe, suppported the nuclear freeze, and opposed the Strategic Defense Initiative. My executive opposition to those misguided policies ultimately resulted in the elimination of communism in Eastern Europe and the destruction of the Berlin Wall.

I was the executive chairman of a committee in the Illinois Senate where I courageously opposed and killed a misguided and dangerous bill that would have given children the right to medical care, if accidently born alive during an abortion. This would have been scientifically unsound in that what we are dealing with in this case are simply products of conception. Just because blobs of tissue are breathing, and have a beating heart, is no reason to give them health care. I'm in favor of universal, single payer, free to all healthcare, but you have to draw the line somewhere.

I am currently the powerful "executive" chairman of the Senate Committee on Foreign Relations: European Affairs. As the leader of that committee I have made the significant executive decision to not have any meetings up until now. I realize that if I have no meetings I cannot vote "present" or even yes or no but I have shown beyond doubt that I can decisively implement my no meeting decision and to the best of my knowledge, no meetings have occurred. I'm pretty sure of that but I've been campaigning for the last 19 months so you never know.

These are just a couple of my executive positions and should be adequate to convince you to vote for me. I'm Oback Arama and I approved this message.
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Oback Arama and Brandenburg Gate

Posted by Stefano on Friday, July 18, 2008 12:10:42 PM
Many seem to question my qualification to speak at the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin. I will now set forth to you my history of support of historic events which cry out that I merit the opportunity to speak at this important landmark.

Back when Winston Churchill gave his famous Iron Curtain speech in Fulton, Missouri in March, 1946 although I was not yet born, I gave my full support to everything he said to the extent that I was able, and I still support and endorse him completely.

I remember well the famous “Ich bin ein Berliner” speech given by my idol John F. Kennedy in Berlin back in June of 1963. I watched it from my crib on my mom’s TV that day. I gave JFK my full endorsement and support, and I was so moved by his words that from that day on I demanded that my mom let me wear big boy underpants. I still had a few accidents but I can say unequivocally that to this day, I almost never have any more accidents.  I do, however, have a strange craving for jelly doughnuts.

Although the film actor, Ronald Reagan was a Republican of the opposite party, I supported him leading up to his speech in 1987 at the Berlin Wall by patriotically opposing mid range missiles in Europe, by supporting a nuclear freeze, and by opposing the Strategic Defense Initiative. Furthermore, my powerful position as a community organizer in Chicago was an instrumental part of the destruction of that wall.

I supported the 1991-92 Gulf War by patriotically opposing it as a law student and President of the Harvard Law Review. My opposition brought quick victory although George H. W. Bush should have gone to Bagdad so that I could have had an opportunity to oppose the occupation of Iraq. I also gained valuable experience as a wartime president (of the Law Review) that I will use to oppose things when I am elected U.S. President.

I am the only presidential candidate to patriotically oppose the current Iraq war from its beginning and I am the only presidential candidate who actually had no power to vote for or against the war. You see, I was an important member of the Illinois Senate where I opposed the war by voting present on a great number of bills, and by voting in favor of the right to choose death for abortees accidently born alive. I also patriotically opposed the surge of troops in Iraq, and although some have said it has been a success, everyone I hang out with says it was too little too late.

I could probably drone on for hours about my qualifications but I will just sum up by saying that I shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, and say whatever is necessary in order to assure that I attain the presidency. I have the audacity of hope that you will now change your mind about this important issue. That will be hope and change that I can use.

I am Oback Arama and that’s why I’m running for president.
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Oback's Comprehensive Mandating Plan

Posted by Stefano on Thursday, July 17, 2008 12:58:25 AM
You Americans are energy pigs and the world is not going to allow you to continue to be energy pigs. It's just not fair.  I have a comprehensive energy plan that will reduce consumption and the cost of energy for all Americans and will also increase our reputation in Europe and around the world.
 
My first steps as president will be to rein in the oil companies with a windfall profits tax, and a full investigation of oil company price gouging. I will reinstate the presidential executive order banning drilling on the outer continental shelf and in the eastern Gulf of Mexico. ANWR will remain off limits to oil drilling. There will be no new refineries or nuclear power plants during my watch. These policies will allow us to usher in a glorious new age of green renewable alternative energy and after 30 to 50 years we will no longer be dependent on foreign oil imports.

My green economy and climate change program includes the following:
1. mandate an emissions cap and trade auction,
2. mandate hybrid cars and biofuel infrastructure,
3. mandate 25% to 30% renewable fuel electricity,
4. mandate zero emissions buildings,
5. mandate flex fuel vehicles,
6. mandate speed limits,
7. mandate mileage standards,
8. mandate personal carbon limits for each citizen, and
9. anything else I can think up to mandate.

All of this mandating and change would wear out an old guy like John McCain but with my youth and inexperience, I can assure you that you can have hope that I will mandate things until the cows come home as they say in my home state of Illinois.

So vote for me and you can have hope, change and audacity all in a single package: me.

I'm Oback Arama and that's why I'm running for president.
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Oback and Evangelicals

Posted by Stefano on Sunday, July 13, 2008 7:04:47 PM
   I have hope that I can get enough of the evangelical vote to put me over the top. I don't need a lot of it. My strategy is to soft pedal the abortion thing and perhaps claim a change of heart on the late term and accidently born alive issue. I don't understand the reasons behind the evangelical love affair with fetuses. There is no way that a mere blob of tissue's right to life trumps the right of the mother to terminate it but I'm willing to risk losing a few pro-choice votes to gain a bigger chunk of the evangelical vote. Besides, who else do the pro-choicers have to vote for?

   My other tactical thrust is to press the social gospel program to the limit that I can and to keep emphasizing my "born again" experience. Those things should give comfort to evangelicals who differ with me or feel uncomfortabe with my positions on certain less weighty issues. It also gives my "yes we can" followers amunition for debate with dangerous "right wing" evangelicals. The right wingers will never vote for me but I don't need them anyway. I only need to peel off a percentage of the rest to reach the goal.

   I have the audacity of hope that I can pull this off.

   I'm Oback Arama and I'm running for president
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Oback Arama and High Energy Prices

Posted by Stefano on Monday, July 07, 2008 12:35:50 AM
Fellow Americans, I felt that it was important to summarize my policies concerning high energy prices:
1. I will tax the windfall profits of all domestic oil companies.
2. I will allow no drilling on the outer continental shelf in any currently unleased locations.
3. I will allow no additional nuclear power plants during my presidency.
4. I will allow no drilling in ANWR.
5. I will endorse a cap and trade carbon emissions law which severely penalizes the majority of our current energy producers and users.
6. I will enforce conservation through speed limits, automotive MPG requirements, enforced car pooling, enforced mass transit use,  government thermostat control in commercial and residential buildings, a restriction on suburban residential growth, a ban on interstate trucking, nationalization of the US rail industry, nationalization of the US airline industry, and ultimately the nationalization of all US energy industry.
The above measures will either increase energy prices or cause terrible pain and dislocation for many of our citizens, but that will be good for America and fair for the world.

I know that these measures will not be popular, but it's time we stopped using more than our share of the world's energy. I know that the United Auto Workers, Teamsters, airline workers, energy workers and other hard working Americans will have some employment difficulties due to the destruction of their jobs but I am confident that if they vote for me they can have the audacity of hope that many more ethical and environmentally responsible jobs will be created for them in emerging green industries.

My hope and your hope should be that we can take our failed Democrat policies of the past and make them work this time. It will require that we all sacrifice with a little discomfort here and there. Just put a sweater on over your sweat gear in the winter and take off your underwear in the summer. I know that we can do it if we unite together and crush anyone in the opposition with quick and severe enforcement.
Can we do it?

Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!

I'm Oback Arama and I approved this message.
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Oback Arama and Flips and Flops

Posted by Stefano on Friday, July 04, 2008 9:37:48 PM
I’m not sure what my critics mean by “flip/flop” on issues. I have had a perfect consistency on all of my positions since I started public life. My critics are starting out with false premises that of course lead to false conclusions. They think that Democrat politics are logical, that policies must be consistent within their own context, and that truth is something that has an absolute quality about it. What I believe and have shown consistently is that truth has a relative quality about it. It brings to mind the words of a famous Roman procurator who asked many years ago “What is truth?” Well, for us Democrats, the truth is whatever will get us elected to office. By using that parameter, you right wing bozos will finally see the consistency of our words and actions. Now, have I confused you? If so, then try this on for size: truth is whatever I say it is. After all, I am Oback Arama. I’m for change, even for changing the definition of truth. That’s change that works for me and change I can believe in. Can you believe in that kind of change?

Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!

I’m Oback Arama and I approved this message
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Oback Arama and Drilling for Oil

Posted by Stefano on Thursday, July 03, 2008 7:18:45 PM
Frankly, I am disapointed that the price of gasoline has risen as rapidly as it has.  I would have preferred a more gradual increase to current levels.  I support a gradual increase in price to the price paid in European countries in the range of $9 to $10 per gallon.  That will constrict demand so that people will switch to driving golf carts to work and to grandma's house. 

Yes, it's true that high gas prices will hurt the middle class the most but it's time they learned that the world is sick and tired of our using so much energy and the middle class just needs to get over it. Yes, yes, I know that Democrat policies have caused the high prices that are destroying the auto industry, the trucking industry, the travel industry and other energy intensive industry, but our standing in the eyes of the world will increase dramatically if we reduce our use of fossil fuels. I am counting on the fact that the unions will still support me and those boz.. irr... aaah workers will still vote for me and when they do, I will get new and better and more ethical jobs for them in green industries that the auto workers and teamsters will love.

The right is so ignorant about the laws of supply and demand. Just because you increase supply by drilling doesn't mean that prices will come down, at least that's what my advisors and the Democrat brain trust in Congress keep telling me. When you elect me to be your president, I promise to use sound Democrat laws of supply and demand such as: confiscating obscene profits from our evil domestic oil companies, starting Justice Department investigations of oil company price gouging, and additional regulation of oil companies and the securities industry. Long term I will mandate that states develop and implement a centralized mechanism controlling the thermostat settings of all residential and business property.  

You can have hope that I will change these things and others to bring us to policies that will make us feel good about ourselves.  Riding in golf carts is change that works for me and change that I can use.  Can you use that kind of hope and change?  Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!  That's why I'm running for president. 

I'm Oback Arama and I approved this message.
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Oback Arama and Energy Solutions

Posted by Stefano on Monday, June 30, 2008 12:14:00 PM
Subject: Oback Arama Energy Solutions
How many times do I have to say "We can't drill ourselves out of our energy problems". I have also said until I'm blueish in the face "drilling won't lower gas prices in the immediate future". Why don't you people listen to me! The oil companies already have 68 million acres to drill off shore and they aren't drilling on it. Our US oil companies are stupid not to drill at today's prices. If only they had the brains and oil experience of Congressman Maxine Waters.  When I am president, if and when they drill on the leases we have given them, I will give them a couple more acres here and there for future drilling.

My short term solution will be to limit all people to one electric golf cart and no automobiles. This will save massive amounts of energy and also wear and tear on our interstate highway system. I will give every taxpayer a tax rebate in the form of a bus pass or a mass transit pass so that every American can experience the joy and convenience of mass transit. This will cause an upsurge in ridership and a decrease in auto use.

My long term solution will be to nationalize all of the US oil companies to achieve energy independence. With the considerable oil production experience of the US Congress and the massive brain power of our House and Senate energy committees, we will soon be selling oil to Saudi Arabia and Iran and gasoline will be selling for a mid 20th century price of 25 cents a gallon. With economies of scale due to nationalization of oil we will be making money hand over fist, so I will introduce an oil profits lock box that we will be able to dip into in the unlikely event that there are cost overruns in some of my domestic program initiatives.
 
I know that some will say that this will set our sights too high and that we are too divided and disillusioned to ever come together around this commune purpose.  But I have hope and you can have hope that we can change and institute these grand initiatives.  Also, if you give me a filibuster proof congress, we can achieve the unity we need by crushing the opposition into unity whether they like it or not.  I  have hope that the stockholm syndrome will eventually change their point of view.  Now that's change that works for me and change that we all can believe in.  Can you have the audacity of hope that we can change and do these things?  Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!
 
I'm Oback Arama and I approved this message.

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Oback Arama, Welfare, and Minimum Wage

Posted by Stefano on Saturday, June 28, 2008 1:52:57 AM
     I’m Oback Arama and I’m running for President. I have hope that in America we can revitalize some of the old tried and true policies of our wonderful Democrat party. My first move will be to resurrect the glorious Johnson administration’s  War on Poverty and Great Society. Sure these programs spent a lot of money (trillions actually), but if you will give me a filibuster proof US Congress, I promise a sunami of funding that will make LBJ look like a cheap skate.  I know that most of these programs were a failure, and that by all but Democrat calculations we lost that war, but that’s because we didn’t spend enough money. If we can spend a zillion dollars putting a man on Mars, then we can certainly spend a gazillion dollars to win the War on Poverty. I vow to spend every bit of change we have, if I must, to win this war. That’s change I can believe in. 

   Next I will push a bill through Congress raising the minimum wage to $15 per hour. That's a wage that will enable everyone to make enough money. If it turns out not to be enough, I’ll raise it to $20. That'll give more people more money to spend, which will increase spending and increase business receipts to help business owners pay the greater wages. So everyone wins.  If people get laid off, we’ll just put them on welfare and pay them the same amount. My ultimate goal is to raise the minimum wage to $100, which will increase economic activity so much that everyone will have a flat screen television in every room of their $200,000 house.   You may say, “hey Oback, how come you get to have that house in Chicago worth over a million and my house is only worth $200,000.”  To that I must say, “I am Oback Arama.” Besides, I’ll be living in the White House which is worth way more than a million. Once I’m in the White House, try to get MiBelle and me out of there.
 
   I have hope that these bold changes to our old failed policies will work this time. I want to bring Red State and Blue State America together to move us forward on these old initiatives. With a filibuster proof majority in Congress, we the Blue State majority will cram these programs down the throats of the Red State minority. Now that’s the kind of unity that works for me and that's change that I can believe in. I have hope that we will have the courage to remake America as it should be: a nation where we all can come together and call each other “comrade”. 
 
Can we do it? 
 
Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can! 
 
I’m Oback Arama and I approved this message.
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Oback Arama and Change

Posted by Stefano on Wednesday, June 25, 2008 10:54:46 AM
   All Americans hope for change they can believe in and hope that there will be a change that works for them. There is a deep hope for change and I believe that a warm wind of hope is sweeping all across this great nation. I have a deep hope that each and everyone of you Americans will go now to your recycling bin and pull out an empty soda or beer can and fill it with all of the loose change you can find and send it to: Oback Arama, US Senate, Washington, D.C. I will take each and every can and fill it with my own breath of hot air and send it back to you C.O.D. Then you will have the substance of the hope and change I’ve been talking about and I will have some real change which is the kind of change I can believe in and the kind of change that works for me. 
I’m Oback Arama and I approved this message.
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Oback Arama and Energy policy

Posted by Stefano on Tuesday, June 24, 2008 12:54:36 PM
 I'm Oback Arama and it’s time for a new day in American energy policy. I have hope that the changes I will institute will bring down the price of gas at the pump, bring down the level of the oceans and protect our homeland from hurricanes and tornados. 
First, I‘m going to shut down market speculation by closing the Enron loophole.   Then I am going to institute a windfall profits tax on the insane profits of Exxon Mobile and other American oil companies. By increasing their taxes they will be forced to lower the price of gasoline. Their approximate average of 10% return on investment is obscenely excessive. Next I will tax any other evil corporation with a return on investment in excess of 10%. I will be appointing Ralph Nader as my new Secretary of the Department of Reasonable Profits. My long term plan for bringing down oil prices is the nationalization of the oil companies in the US. I have vital experience in the oil industry due to the fact that in Illinois where I was a state senator we have some oil wells. The US government will bring the efficiencies of central government and planning to our energy problems. I will be appointing Maxine Waters as my new Secretary of the Department of Oil due to her intimate knowledge of the oil industry and socili... oops, I mean, aaaah, taking over things. 
 
In my first 100 days as president, my face to face talks with President Ahmadinejad will insure the free flow of oil from Iran and our withdrawal from Iraq will bring an increased good will flow of oil from all oil producing nations of the world including that of our comrade, President Chavez. This is change that my extensive experience in foreign affairs and my winsome personality will bring to this nation, I’m pretty sure. I have the audacity of hope to think it will and that should be enough. Together we can do it. Remember that I need for you to send all of your change to me, pennies, nickels, quarters and even JFK half dollars which are cool cause his picture's on them. That’s change that I can use and believe in, and change that works. Can you believe that too? Yes you can! That’s why I’m running for president. I’m Oback Arama and I approved this message.
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Oback Arama and Life Issues

Posted by Stefano on Tuesday, June 24, 2008 12:53:07 AM
  I’m Oback Arama and I’m running for president of this great country. I believe that every living and breathing person save just a few has the right to choose and that’s why I’m pro-choice. I’m a strong believer in the right to life of those who can vote and send money to my campaign. I have the audacity of hope that individuals like you and noble organizations like Planned Parenthood and  NARAL will reach deep down into your pockets and bank accounts and write a check to me because of my stance on the lives of the voting public. That’s the kind of pro-life position I can believe in. 
 
I’ve stood up to those repressive regressives who would attempt to protect products of conception after only eight or nine months of pregnancy. While a member of the Illinois Senate, I was a strong voice of reason in the defeat of an immoral bill that would have protected products of conception accidently born living and breathing from being terminated by heroic abortionists in our state. Why should these blobs of tissue have the right to live just because they are living and breathing outside of the womb. After much counseling from their health professional abortionists and abortion mill counselors, these mothers made the moral decision to terminate and why should a breathing, living blob of tissue with a beating heart stand in the way of that decision. I stood up when it was hard, when it was risky and when it wasn’t popular. And because I stood up, a few more stood up; and then a few thousand stood up; and then a few million stood up and standing up with clear purpose and courage we made it safe for abortionists and mothers to terminate the breathing and the heart beat of products of conception accidently born alive in my great state of Illinois, the Land of Lincoln. 
 
If you believe as I do that every living and breathing child should be either a wanted child or it should be snuffed out, if one so chooses, then I have the audacity of hope that I can count on your vote and all of the change in your pocket and bank account for my campaign. Together we can continue to terminate unwanted breathing non-voting blobs of tissue. That’s change and hope that I can believe in. Can you? Yes you can! That’s why I’m running for president. I’m Oback Arama and I approved this message.
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