Fellow Americans, I felt that it was important to summarize my policies concerning high energy prices:
1. I will tax the windfall profits of all domestic oil companies.
2. I will allow no drilling on the outer continental shelf in any currently unleased locations.
3. I will allow no additional nuclear power plants during my presidency.
4. I will allow no drilling in ANWR.
5. I will endorse a cap and trade carbon emissions law which severely penalizes the majority of our current energy producers and users.
6. I will enforce conservation through speed limits, automotive MPG requirements, enforced car pooling, enforced mass transit use, government thermostat control in commercial and residential buildings, a restriction on suburban residential growth, a ban on interstate trucking, nationalization of the US rail industry, nationalization of the US airline industry, and ultimately the nationalization of all US energy industry.
The above measures will either increase energy prices or cause terrible pain and dislocation for many of our citizens, but that will be good for America and fair for the world.
I know that these measures will not be popular, but it's time we stopped using more than our share of the world's energy. I know that the United Auto Workers, Teamsters, airline workers, energy workers and other hard working Americans will have some employment difficulties due to the destruction of their jobs but I am confident that if they vote for me they can have the audacity of hope that many more ethical and environmentally responsible jobs will be created for them in emerging green industries.
My hope and your hope should be that we can take our failed Democrat policies of the past and make them work this time. It will require that we all sacrifice with a little discomfort here and there. Just put a sweater on over your sweat gear in the winter and take off your underwear in the summer. I know that we can do it if we unite together and crush anyone in the opposition with quick and severe enforcement.
Can we do it?
Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!
I'm Oback Arama and I approved this message.